Monday, June 30, 2008

Lucky 13

I have lost weight and I feel great! So great in fact that I had this portrait commissioned, wow what a beef cake. It's been a roller coaster ride these last few months but now that I can see the results, I don't feel so nutritionally abused. I still am not completely happy with my food but I have started getting a little more tuna to appease my sophisticated taste, so all in all it has been an acceptable experience.
It is funny that I'm the only one in the house on a diet (hint hint Bert & Ernie), a cat as sexy as I am needs to be seen with the beautiful people.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

White Sand

I'm in love with my litter, its like taking a trip to a white sand beach and pooping on the pristine sands. When Burt & Ernie found me at the pound, I was using litter that was the equivalent of rabbit food. The boys sensed that I was a litter connoisseur and purchased me the Ultimate Cat Litter.
I love it! The only place it can be found in the Portland metro area is Saltys (I'll post more about them later)

This is my upstairs neighbor Dolby.
He recently discovered the white sand love.

Friday, June 27, 2008


The cactus finally bloomed last week and it was the most tasty natural display I have ever seen. As you know from my house plant review, it was inedible due to the fact someone had over-seasoned it. (FYI I don't like spicy food)

Blossom that burns my mouth

Blossom that burns my eyes

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Lesson Learned

B&E have just been informed that the 5% tea tree cream (mentioned in the previous post) can potentially be dangerous to cats and have ceased using it. I must admit that I'm fine with this discovery, this means one less thing on my luxurious black fur.
If you want to learn more click here.
Thanks to reader Whicky Wuudler for the advice.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Will Trade Merchandise for Medical Advice

That spot om my back leg hasn't gotten any worse (or better), I'm cleaning it regularly, but that's not good enough for Burt. He's started applying a tea tree ointment to my spot (thanks to 'socks with sandals'). I don't know if you've ever smelled tea tree, but its like a combination of turpentine and death. The crippling effect of the tea tree oil is not the worst that could happen, Burt has that look in his eye and I have a feeling a trip to the vet might be in my future, that could lead to the dreaded Elizabethan collar. If any readers have input on my condition, please feel free to comment.

Spot description: One inch by half an inch bald-ish oval, no redness, no swelling, and its not hot to the touch. It is smooth but can get a little scabby, possibly from over cleaning.

If someone has the correct answer and cures me before the vet trip, I will send you a L'il Mortimer coffee mug, bad advise will receive L'il Mortimer's Corset of Stinging Nettles®, filled with only the finest Urtica Dioica that Oregon has to offer*.

*Due to my feline nature, don't hold your breath for the fabulous prizes.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Diet Fud

I am officially on the diet kibble and it sucks! I protest every time that tasteless kibble is poured into my bowl. My meows of desperation and hunger fall on deaf inferior human ears. I loved my old food and will continue to protest until my taste buds are titillated once again. The misspelling of "food" in the title was for Burt, he loves it when cats spell it "fud."

Thursday, June 19, 2008

My Merchindice Is In!

Burt's shirt arrived today and it looks fairly decent, I'm very exited that it turned out so well. The only thing that needs a little improvement is the ink, a little bit darker and it would be more eye catching.

I'm pleased

The modeling

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Turkey Vulture

This sighting took place on 6-14 on highway 30,he was on a carcass, not on one of my quaint window feeders. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I think hes sorta cute.

Monday, June 16, 2008

Seeing Spots

Last Friday 6-13 Burt discovered a bald scabby spot on my hind leg and immediately called the vet. This "medical emergency" was just a little spot that I was keeping an eye on and possibly over-cleaning, but the spot was alarming enough for Burt to rush off to the vet and buy flea medication, which was then applied to back of my neck. This medication tastes horrible! Why not a Tuna flavored med? On the plus side the mystery spot did get me a new water bowl (I have no idea why they think a filtered water dish is going to help my leg) but it has a filter to keep my water pure, and the water flows down into the bowl just like a little waterfall. The new dish is placed right next to my litter box nook, with the white sand kitty liter and the trickling water, its like my own little Japanese Garden.
Now that I think about it, please come visit L'il Mortimer's Classic Japanese Garden®. General admission 20.00, students and senors 15.00. I'm off to go scratch around in my Zen Box.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Portland Gay Pride

Bert and Ernie are celebrating gay pride by donning the traditional body glitter and listening to traditional folk music by Madonna all while consuming large quantities of apple pucker. These photos are from the parade, way to celebrate your heritage boys.

Gay for black cats

Thursday, June 12, 2008

L'il Mortimer Merchandise

Well my line of slurry finally has a logo, unfortunately, I went with the lowest bid when it came time to choose a graphic designer. If someone wants to buy a shirt, mug, or thong, checkout

This is me explaining that my name is Mortimer not Mortimr!

Monday, June 9, 2008

Howard's Book Store

I meant to post these photos right after the boys came home from Bloomington but somehow they slipped though the cracks. These are the cats of Howard's books located in the Fountain Square Mall. I really don't have much to write about on these guys due to the fact B&E neglected to interview them or even bothered to ask their names, what can I say they're no Woodward and Bernstein.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Black Cats Rule

I recently came across this hansom chap while trolling for cat related Youtube videos. I'm just glad there are black cats out there making a difference. I have also included the video that led to to this incredibly good looking fella.


The Ikea cat tunnel turned out to be more interesting than originally thought. Please keep this on the down low, I don't want B&E to get a big heads.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Odd Man Out

I love tuna! I love the way it smells, tastes, even how it looks. Up until recently I was the only one in the household with the T-love, but now the tuna bug has bitten Burt. This makes me extremely pleased because I reap the rewards of the empty tuna can, I call it "L'il Mortimer's Slurry®*". The only one not benefiting from Burt's rekindled love for canned fish is Ernie, he hates tuna as much as I love the stuff. I would have thought by now he would have at least a little appreciation of tuna's splendor since he gives me my tuna bites twice a day, but after ten months he is still gags.

*L'il Mortimer's Slurry is a trademark of the L'il Mortimer Corporation, all rights reserved. If you wish to use the L'il Mortimer tradmark please contact the law firm of Purrs Paws & Whiskers, Salmon St., Suite 9, Portland OR.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Do You Want To See Somthing Realy Scary?

Lets see how many of these you can make it through.

I removed Barbi Girl, it was even to much for me!

Who knew there where so many?! If you are still there, why not check out more, and there are a whole lot more! Yeah, people really like to dress up like cats.

Creepy Human

Caution! Once you see this video it can't be unseen!